MAX ON LIFE

95. What sexual items and activities are acceptable to God? Negligees? Body oils? Engaging in specific activities, using sensual language, and watching stimulating movies? What does God prohibit and permit?

First of all, dismiss the notion that God is anti-sex, anti-affection, or anti-intercourse. After all, he developed the package. Sex is a part of his plan. Sex is practical: it populates the earth. Sex is personal: it strengthens a marriage. Sex is pictorial: it symbolizes the bond between husband and wife and between Christ and the church. Sex is powerful. Properly used, it can heal the heart. Improperly administered, it can ravage a life.

We know what God prohibits:

• Any sexual activity outside of marriage (1 Cor 7:2; 1 Thess 4:3)
• Unbridled lustful passion for someone who is not your spouse (Matt 5:28)
• Obscenity and crude language (Eph 4:29)

Pass your questions through these filters. Someone asks, for example, about using sensual language in moments of intimacy. "Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift" (Eph 4:29). Are you using words that build up your mate and honor God? If so, use them. Do your words degrade your mate? Do they reflect the language of evil more than the vernacular of God? If so, you know what to do.

Some wonder about certain practices and activities in marital sex. With the exception of the Song of Songs, Scripture says very little. God gives his children license to enjoy each other in any fashion that mutually upbuilds. But if one spouse feels degraded or uncomfortable, it is not the place of the other to insist on his own way. "Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate" (1 Cor 6:12). What is permissible is not always beneficial.

See sex as a chance to serve your mate, not use your mate.

"Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality - the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to 'stand up for your rights.' Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out." (1 Cor 7:2-4)

By: Max Lucado