There are times when one spouse just "isn't there". There are occasions when the interest levels don't meet. One is more enthused than the other. Don't make your spouse feel guilty or manipulated. Let the servant spirit reign.
Communicate. If something is burdening you, open up. Let your mate know what troubles you. Maybe you could suggest a different plan. Explain to your spouse that you are tired tonight but are known to get frisky with the sunrise. Or lower your expectations for the evening. Marital sex is like evening meals: sometimes we snack; sometimes we feast. Healthy marriages learn to serve hors d'oeuvres when a Thanksgiving dinner isn't possible. Wives, you can be responsive even if you are not totally engaged. Husbands, you can be patient even if you had your hopes high.
But what if the disinterest lasts longer than a few days? The arrival of kids disrupts not just sleep patterns but available energy. Some men avoid intimacy for a fear of failure. Commercials tell them they need to "perform" and ask them, "Will you be ready?" For fear they won't be, they avoid the possibility. Some wives avoid sex because it drudges up memories of abuse or mistakes. Physiological issues like stress and depression can diminish interest in intimacy for weeks at a time. The causes of extended sexual inactivity are manifold. A cure might route you through a counselor's or doctor's office, but the cure always begins with mutual understanding. "It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong" (Prov 24:3).
"Marriage is not a place to 'stand up for your rights'. Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out" (1 Cor 7:4).
Absence of sex can be endured. Absence of discussing the absence cannot. Somebody needs to speak up. Both need to look up.... look up to God for help. You are not without solutions.
By: Max Lucado
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