MAX ON LIFE

105. My husband says I am too critical of him, and he's right. I have a terrible habit of criticizing him for everything. I hate having this judgmental attitude, and I know it's not good for our marriage. I need help to change my perspective.

Five times in Proverbs, Solomon addressed a quarrelsome wife and twice likens her to a constant dripping and the other times says it's better for a man to live on the roof or in the desert than in the house with her. (Prov 19:12; 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15).

Every time a wife nags, drip.

Every time she criticizes, drip.

Every time she blames, drip.

A critical nature can wear on a guy.

You are saying you don't trust your husband to change the situation. He feels it. A man wants to be respected. When he's respected, he leads. When he's challenged, he fights.

You are also saying you don't trust God to change your husband. You forget about praying to God and go straight to criticizing your husband. It's faster, and it gets the point across more quickly. Is that the best path? No.

A man needs to ripen from the inside before he is fruitful. Let God be the critical one. Allow the Holy Spirit to remind your husband of what he needs to do and how he needs to do it.

Do it before your house is flooded and everyone drowns!

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

104. I dread going home at the end of the day. Our home is a combat zone. I don't know what to do about it. I offer to go to counseling. But she refuses. Help!

No one wants to live in a combat zone. But many do. Many do because they married someone who is so different from them. The quiet marry the boisterous. The laid-back marry the high-strung. The left-brained marry the right-brained. We are attracted to our opposite. But what attracts us when we are dating, attacks us when we are married.

For that reason a good marriage is hard work. Harmony doesn't just happen. Vocal harmony is achieved when the choir practices. Color harmony is achieved when the artist experiments. And marital harmony exists when two people resolve to "make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit" (Eph 4:3). Here are some ideas:

Be considerate. "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives" (1 Peter 3:7). The word consider shares ancestry with the word knowledge. It means to "have an understanding of". It is amazing how quickly consideration vanishes once we get married. "The wisdom that comes from heaven is... considerate" (James 3:17). When I'm inconsiderate to my wife, I'm stupid. The wise thing is to be considerate of your husband, of your wife.

Love "does not demand its one way" (1 Cor 13:5). Don't try to change your mate. don't change the "I do" into an "I'll redo". Meet in the middle. Be flexible. Yield your rights. Give and take. Learn the art of negotiation. Compromise.

Keep courting. What you did to fall in love, keep doing so you'll stay in love. "May you rejoice in the wife of your youth" (Prov 5:18). "Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love" (Eccl 9:9). Enjoy your spouse. Encourage each other. Compliment your wife on her new shoes, your husband on his hard work. Look into your spouse's eyes and say, "My life is so much better with you". Each day this week pick out something you like, big or small, and be thankful. You will find that your spouse is 90 percent awesome and 10 percent under construction. You have a great spouse. Tell him or her. If there was more courting in marriage, there would be fewer marriages in court.

Fight fairly. Never criticize your spouse in public. When you make fun of her cooking or his snoring, you are hitting below the belt. Let others mock their mates, not you. You signed on for better or for worse; if you can love the worst, things will get better. Don't hide stones in snowballs. Don't harbor grudges or dredge up the past. Avoid unnecessary absolutes like never and always. When a fight starts, be quick to listen and slow to speak. Honor each other.

Lock the escape hatch. Throw away the key. You must assume "I'm in it till death do us part. I made a promise to God, and I'm going to keep it if it kills me!" Commitment is what makes a marriage great. If divorce is an option, then you're not going to put forth the effort. Don't use the threat of divorce when you get ticked off. When you get mad, you don't hint at leaving. And you don't use scare words. They are off-limits, unacceptable. No matter how mad you are and how angry and how much you hate that person at the moment, you do not bring up the issue of divorce, because it's not even an issue.

Ask Christ to put his Spirit within you. Love Christ even more than you love each other. When the husband focuses on growing toward Christ and the wife focuses on growing toward Christ, it automatically brings them together. Christ is not going to fight with Christ.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

103. Our daughter is making final preparations for her wedding day. She's a godly woman and is marrying a wonderful Christian man, but with so many marriages ending in divorce these days, we worry even for this young couple. Can you give us one important piece of advice to share with her on her wedding day?

Tell her to be patient.

Everything worthwhile takes time to make. Wine. Sculptures. Paintings. Bridges.

However, we want our spouse and our marriage to be perfect the first morning of the honeymoon. We want the perfect house painted the perfect color on the perfect street in Perfect Town, USA. We want to work the perfect job that pays the perfect salary and allows us to work with perfect people. We want the perfect kids to get perfect grades and pick the perfect college.

Sound perfect? Sure.

Sound probable? No.

Be patient. Your spouse, your job, your home, your kids will not be perfect, at least not right away. Over time and with hard work, things fall into place. Maybe not perfect, but perfectly all right.

God is not finished with you yet. He's still working out the kinks in your marriage. He's putting the final touches on your kids. Your home is a work in progress.

Be patient and don't give up before the Master nods approvingly, "Well done."

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

102. I've been dating a girl for three months. She says she is in love. I'm not sure I am, but I feel different when I'm with her. Is that love?

Feelings can fool you. I spoke recently with a teenage girl who was puzzled by the lack of feelings she had for a guy. Before they started dating, she was wild about him. The minute he showed interest in her, however, she lost interest.

I'm thinking also of a young mom. Being a parent isn't as romantic as she anticipated. Diapers and midnight feedings aren't any fun, and she's feeling guilty because they aren't. Am I low on love? she wonders.

How do you answer such questions? Ever wish you had a way to assess the quality of your affection? A DNA test for love? Paul offers us one: "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth" (1 Cor 13:6). In this verse lies a test for love.

Want to separate the fake from the factual, the counterfeit from the real thing? Want to know if what you feel is genuine love? Ask yourself this: Do I encourage this person to do what is right? For true love "takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth" (1 Cor 13:6 Jerusalem Bible).

For instance, one lady calls another and says, "We're friends, right?"

"Yeah, we're friends."

"If my husband asks, you tell him we were together at the movies last night."

"But we weren't."

"I know, but I was, well, I was with another guy, and - hey, you'll do this for me, won't you? We're friends, right" Tighter than sisters, right:?"

Does this person pass the test? No way. Love doesn't ask someone to do what is wrong. How do we know? "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."

If you find yourself prompting evil in others, heed the alarm. This is not love. And if others prompt evil in you be alert.

Here's an example. A classic one. A young couple is on a date. His affection goes beyond her comfort zone. She resists. But he tries to persuade her with the oldest line in the book: "But I love you. I just want to be near you. If you loved me...."

That siren you hear? It's the phony-love-detector. This guy doesn't love her. He may love having sex with her. He may love her body. He may love boasting to his buddies about his conquest. But he doesn't love her. True love will never ask the "beloved" to do what he or she thinks is wrong.

Love doesn't tear down the convictions of others. Quite the contrary.

"Love builds up". (1 Cor 8:1)

"Whoever loves a brother or sister lives in the light and will not cause anyone to stumble". (1 John 2:10)

"When you sin against other believers by encouraging them to do something they believe is wrong, you are sinning against Christ". (1 Cor 8:12)

Do you want to know if your love for someone is true? If your friendship is genuine? Ask yourself: do I influence this person to do what is right?

If you answered yes, ask her out for dinner.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

101. I'm single and loving it. Someday, however, I want to settle down and have a family. I've seen enough bad marriages to make me wonder what I can do to have a good one. How can I select the right mate?

A person makes two big decisions in life. The first has to do with faith. The second has to do with family. The first question is, "Who is my God?" The second, "Who, if anyone, will be my spouse?" The first question defines the second. Your God defines your family. If your God is yourself, then you call your own shots because your marriage is for your pleasure and nothing more. But if your God is Christ, then he calls the shots because your marriage is for his honor.

Does that surprise you? You thought marriage was all about you? It's not. Marriage is God's idea. He created it because most of us are better God-followers with a partner than we are alone. Most of us are more effective with our gifts, more faithful in our convictions, more fruitful in our service if we are not living alone. Since marriage is God's idea, wouldn't you think he has an idea as to whom we should marry? He does.

"Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14)

When my wife, Denalyn, and I climb into the same car, we must agree on the destination. We may disagree on the food we eat. We may disagree on the number of stops we make. We may even disagree on what music to play. But if she wants to go to Mexico and I want to go to Colorado, we have a problem.

Marry someone who loves God more than you do. If you and your spouse don't agree on the goal of the journey, you will have problems. If his goal is to be rich and your goal is to go to heaven.... if her aim in life is retirement and your aim in life is serving God.... you will have issues.

• "But I'm so attracted to him. I can convert him". You aren't called to missionary dating.
• "We're not serious, just having a good time". When your definitions of a good time aren't the same, who wins?
• "But I want to get married so badly..." Your think no marriage is bad? Try a bad marriage.
• "Have you seen the options among Christians?" God has plans you've never seen.

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires". (Ps 37:4)

The longer you date a nonbeliever, the longer you postpone the opportunity for God to bring the right person your way. If you are a child of God and you marry a child of the Devil, you're going to have trouble with your father-in-law.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

100. Some people say that being gay is a sin, and others say that it's okay if the person loves God. So does God hate homosexuals? Also, are the commandments in the Bible archaic, speaking more of the culture of that time and not necessarily ours today?

Healthy discussions about homosexuality seem increasingly rare. On one hand we hear harsh, cruel attacks against members of the gay community. Homosexuals are singled out as the butt of jokes or characterized as God-haters. Some homosexuals hate Christians because they think Christians hate them. I honestly cannot imagine what it must be like to hear Christians shout: "Stop your sinning! You are a sinner!" To be called "fag" or "queer" by people who claim to follow Jesus. Travesty. This treatment is tragic and wrong.

Equally concerning is the tendency to discard Scripture's teaching on the topic as irrelevant and outdated. For those of us who hold an authoritative view of the Bible, this is unsettling.

So where does that leave us? Perhaps with these questions:

Were Jesus to come fact-to-face with a homosexual, what would he say? What would he do? Though the New Testament contains no such conversation, we do know how he would act.

He would express his love. As he did with Zacchaeus, he might go to his home. As with the Samaritan woman, he might sit with her in the shade of a well. As he did with Matthew, Jesus might offer a personal invitation. The exact words he would use, we don't know. But of their sentiment, we have no doubt. Jesus loves his gay children. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. This includes homosexuality. He made them, came for them, and died for them. And he would tell them so.

He would speak to them with compassion. But he would also speak to them with conviction. As he did with Zacchaeus, the Samaritan woman, Matthew, and others, Jesus always told the truth. And the truth is this: God never approves sexual union outside of a heterosexual marriage. The two unmarried but sexually involved singles? God disapproves. The two married people who are sexually involved but not married to each other? Their adultery angers God. The sibling with sibling? The man with multiple wives. The man with man or woman with woman? The Bible never singles out same-sex intimacy as sin above other sins.

At the same time the Bible never minces words regarding God's feelings toward homosexual activity. God warned the men of Israel: "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination" (Lev 18:22). One professor wrote: When the word Toevah (abomination) does appear in the Hebrew Bible, it is sometimes applied to idolatry, cult prostitution, magic or divination... It always conveys great repugnance". Has God gotten over his repugnance? In the New Testament he called such behavior "shameful" (Rom 1:26).

This is, for many, a challenging teaching. The temptations are strong, and lures are many. But we must remember that our bodies belong to God. "Your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit who is in you. You have received the Holy Spirit from God. So you do not belong to yourselves, because you were bought by God for a price. So honor God with your bodies" (1 Cor 6:19). Again, this instruction is not limited to those who struggle with homosexuality. This teaching is for us all.

But isn't such teaching archaic? Some Bible students want to clump the prohibition of homosexuality with cultural instructions like washing feet or wearing veils. If teachings against same-sex unions were random or sporadic, we'd have to agree. But from the earliest code of the Torah to the later epistles of Paul, the sentiment never changes. From start to finish, Scripture categorically condemns same-sex intimacy. From start to finish, Scripture emphasizes God's love for sinners, no matter who they are.

Let's follow the example of Jesus: let's love each other. Talk. Dialog. Jesus went to the home of Zaccheus, spent the afternoon with the Samaritan woman, attended Matthew's party. He didn't endorse their behavior, but he built a bridge to their hearts. Maybe we will find a way to do the same.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

99. I was saved out of a very sinful lifestyle, which meant I was far from innocent when I got married two years ago. My husband was a virgin when we married. He knew about my past, and I thought he had forgotten all about it. But now it seems as though he's having a hard time with it. He keeps bringing it up, and this is wreaking havoc with our sex life.

There's an old saying: "Love never forgets".

Or is it "Love always forgets?"

I can't remember.

Love never forgets the other person, remembering the reasons that brought them together, keeping them in mind all the time. Love never forgets the sacrifices and the expressions of heartfelt devotion.

Love should forget the mistakes, the wrongdoings, the sin. But it can't. We can't force ourselves to have amnesia. Neither can God.

God cannot forget our sins, but he chooses not to dwell on them. He prefers to see his Son living in us, since Jesus' sacrifice covers our sins (Gal 2:20). He sees us as we are now - sanctified, redeemed, and righteous - instead of who we were before. God puts away the photo albums and prefers to see us live and in person.

We need to forgive the same way and choose not to dwell on one another's failures. Over time, as we refuse to bring those sins to mind, they get lost in the lists of positive qualities we ponder day in and day out.

You may not have been perfect when you married, but you were perfected by the work of Jesus Christ on the cross. While your husband remained a virgin in his body, he probably did not remain a virgin in his mind and thus needed the same perfecting work of Jesus in his life.

Just as you would not hold his lustful thoughts against him, he should not hold your lustful lifestyle against you. In God's eye, they are the same. Sin is sin, and both need to be forgiven and put away in the memory drawer.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

98. What is the big deal about pornography? Why make such a big deal out of what is natural? Some men say they are controlled by pornography. Not me. I can sample without struggling. So I do.

Pornography is thievery. You are stealing glances at women who don't belong to you. When you flip through the lingerie magazine or porn channel, you are committing grand larceny.

Don't be fooled! You are not as strong as you think. You can't stop where you want to stop. You can't play with fire and not get burned. So don't light the match. "For lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished. It is a fire that burns all the way to hell" (Job 31:11-12).

Job accompanies his warning with an example: "I made a solemn pact with myself never to undress a girl with my eyes" (Job 31:1).

The Bible never says to battle sexual sin, struggle against sexual sin... no, our call is to "run away from sexual sin" (1 Cor 6:18).

Just because a woman dresses to lure, you don't have to look. Just because pictures appear, you don't have to view them. You can't keep a bird from flying over your roof, but you can screen them out of your chimney. Put the two-second rule into effect. The next time you see more than you should in a picture, on a screen, or in the window of a Victoria's Secret store, give yourself two seconds to gaze. Guard your thoughts! "God has not called us to be dirty-minded and full of lust, but to be holy and clean" (1 Thess 4:7).

You will live tomorrow the thoughts you tolerate today. Use this to your advantage! Want a stronger marriage tomorrow? Ponder the strengths of your mate today. Want to enjoy more faith tomorrow? Meditate on God's Word today. Desire a guilt-free future? Then saturate the present in grace. You are what you think. "People harvest only what they plant" (Gal 6:7). So select your seeds carefully.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

97. Is it natural for men to ogle women? My husband enjoys looking at attractive women, and he does it even when I'm around. This makes me angry, and I feel humiliated. Don't I have the right to ask him to stop doing this?

Jesus had this to say, and he was a man!

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery'. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matt 5:27-29)

Lust means looking at a person with sexual intent, fantasizing about someone you are not married to.

Adultery means that, as a married person, you are engaging in sexual activity with someone other than your spouse.

What's the difference? Touch.

What's the similarity? Thought.

I've hear it said that lust is the second time you gaze at a woman. There's some wisdom in that.

Jesus made the same point about lust that he made about murder (Mat 5:21). The only difference between the mental contemplation of hate and the act of murder is that murder pulls the trigger. The thought process is the same.

Both lust and hate cross a line. Sin is as much thought as it is action. Unbridled anger can lead to first-degree murder. Unmanaged thoughts about sex can lead to physical adultery.

Lust also threatens the spouse. For just a second, that bathing-suit beauty becomes the most attractive woman in the world, not you. For a fleeting moment, that brawny muscle man becomes the biggest stud who ever lived, not you. That hurts. It is humiliating.

Let your spouse know how it feels. "Every time you talk about another woman, it hurts me." "Every time you talk that way, I feel ugly."

Hopefully, next time he will think twice about looking twice.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

96. Our marriage is marred by betrayal. We don't trust each other anymore. Adultery has left us distant and bitter. We don't agree on much, but we agree on this: our marriage is a mess.

Let me direct my answer to the different parties.

Have you failed your spouse? If so, own up to it. Don't minimize or deny it. Confess it and seek the forgiveness of each person you have hurt. Then give them time to mend. It's not up to you to determine the recovery period. Don't attempt to dictate the time it takes for a heart to heal.

Suppose you are a company bookkeeper who has embezzled two thousand dollars a month for two years. You are genuinely sorry. And the first day after your admission you show up at work to continue your job. You expect your supervisor to entrust you with the company finances. How will the boss react? He may give you a broom, but he's not going to trust you with the books.

When you violated your marital covenant, you lost the trust of your spouse. Your confession may make you feel better. But your confession broke the heart of the one you hurt. The burden you got off your chest landed on the shoulders of your spouse. And your spouse needs time to recover. How much time? As long as it takes.

Has your spouse failed you? As difficult as it may seem and as impossible as it may appear, forgiveness is your goal. Seek to give your spouse what God has given to you - grace. Your marriage can be saved and intimacy restored, in time, as you are "kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Eph 4:32).

What your spouse did was despicable, but who your spouse is, is essential. Your mate is God's child, bought by Christ and known by heaven. See less of your spouse's mistake and more of God's grace, and, with time, healing will come.

Have you failed you? Does shame from your youth hound you? Or mistakes from last week dog you? Unaddressed guilt stirs misdirected anger and unhealthy shame. It prompts people to lash out at and withdraw from those they love. Take your moral failures to God's throne of grace.

He restores spiritual virginity. He lifts his children to a blameless place. Remember the words of Paul? "Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we're a free people - free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free either. Abundantly free!" (Ehp 1:7).

Let God cleanse you. Tell God the name of the persons or the occasion of the pornography. Bring the moments into the light of God's grace. Sexual sin requires specific confession because it affects us so deeply. "There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for 'becoming one' with another" (1 Cor 6:18).

His grace is sufficient, and his mercy is ample. His word to you is his word to the ancients:

"Forget about what's happened;

don't keep going over old history.

Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new.

It's bursting out! Don't you see it?

There it is! I'm making a road through the desert,

rivers in the badlands. (Isa 43:18-19)

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

95. What sexual items and activities are acceptable to God? Negligees? Body oils? Engaging in specific activities, using sensual language, and watching stimulating movies? What does God prohibit and permit?

First of all, dismiss the notion that God is anti-sex, anti-affection, or anti-intercourse. After all, he developed the package. Sex is a part of his plan. Sex is practical: it populates the earth. Sex is personal: it strengthens a marriage. Sex is pictorial: it symbolizes the bond between husband and wife and between Christ and the church. Sex is powerful. Properly used, it can heal the heart. Improperly administered, it can ravage a life.

We know what God prohibits:

• Any sexual activity outside of marriage (1 Cor 7:2; 1 Thess 4:3)
• Unbridled lustful passion for someone who is not your spouse (Matt 5:28)
• Obscenity and crude language (Eph 4:29)

Pass your questions through these filters. Someone asks, for example, about using sensual language in moments of intimacy. "Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift" (Eph 4:29). Are you using words that build up your mate and honor God? If so, use them. Do your words degrade your mate? Do they reflect the language of evil more than the vernacular of God? If so, you know what to do.

Some wonder about certain practices and activities in marital sex. With the exception of the Song of Songs, Scripture says very little. God gives his children license to enjoy each other in any fashion that mutually upbuilds. But if one spouse feels degraded or uncomfortable, it is not the place of the other to insist on his own way. "Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate" (1 Cor 6:12). What is permissible is not always beneficial.

See sex as a chance to serve your mate, not use your mate.

"Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality - the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to 'stand up for your rights.' Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out." (1 Cor 7:2-4)

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

94. No one warned my wife and me about the whole sexual differences thing. I think this discussion should be in all premarital classes. We are sorting it out, but it was a surprising challenge.

Men and women are different. We love that.

Men and women are different. We hate that!

Love or hate the differences, let's understand them.

Wives, understand that your husband sees sex as a primary need. Men, understand that your wife sees sex as optional. In one study when men were asked to rank the importance of sex, they consistently scored it 1, 2, or 3. (I think some scored it 1, 2, and 3). Women, on average, ranked sex in the number 13 slot - right behind "gardening together". Apparently the presence of a good garden indicates a restless husband.

Men and women are different. Men categorize the sexual experience. The husband can have a horrible day, be anticipating World War III the next, hear a tornado outside, and still enjoy sex right now.

The wife doesn't as quickly detach or disentangle from the demands of life. And she may take offense that her husband does. "How can you think about that at a time like this?"

His response: "It's easy."

She thinks he is insensitive. He thinks she's a prude. Neither is right. Both can understand the other better. Take a servant attitude into your sex life. "Give each other more honor than you want for yourselves" (Rom 12:10).

Here's another example. Men, about once a month, your wife's body passes through an inward mutiny. Her moods can swing, and her body becomes sensitive. Her irritability is some form of internal rebooting. Be patient during these days. She endures your outbursts over lost football games or rained-out fishing trips. You can be supportive too.

Wives, when it comes to sexual stimuli, your husbands live in a Las Vegas light show. Telling him not to think so much about sex is like telling him to ignore doughnuts in a Krispy Kreme shop. It's everywhere - magazines, billboards, television, movies. Why, companies use curvy models to sell bass boats. Be patient and pray for him.

In fact, pray about this issue. Kneel at the bed together and pray: "Lord, this is your will and your marriage. Help us honor you in this bed."

I know; it's a prayer rarely prayed. Which could be the reason for so many conflicts.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

93. My spouse and I have uneven sexual interests. My "now?" is often returned with a "no". Any advice?

There are times when one spouse just "isn't there". There are occasions when the interest levels don't meet. One is more enthused than the other. Don't make your spouse feel guilty or manipulated. Let the servant spirit reign.

Communicate. If something is burdening you, open up. Let your mate know what troubles you. Maybe you could suggest a different plan. Explain to your spouse that you are tired tonight but are known to get frisky with the sunrise. Or lower your expectations for the evening. Marital sex is like evening meals: sometimes we snack; sometimes we feast. Healthy marriages learn to serve hors d'oeuvres when a Thanksgiving dinner isn't possible. Wives, you can be responsive even if you are not totally engaged. Husbands, you can be patient even if you had your hopes high.

But what if the disinterest lasts longer than a few days? The arrival of kids disrupts not just sleep patterns but available energy. Some men avoid intimacy for a fear of failure. Commercials tell them they need to "perform" and ask them, "Will you be ready?" For fear they won't be, they avoid the possibility. Some wives avoid sex because it drudges up memories of abuse or mistakes. Physiological issues like stress and depression can diminish interest in intimacy for weeks at a time. The causes of extended sexual inactivity are manifold. A cure might route you through a counselor's or doctor's office, but the cure always begins with mutual understanding. "It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong" (Prov 24:3).

"Marriage is not a place to 'stand up for your rights'. Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out" (1 Cor 7:4).

Absence of sex can be endured. Absence of discussing the absence cannot. Somebody needs to speak up. Both need to look up.... look up to God for help. You are not without solutions.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

92. In my opinion, premarital sex prepares the couple for marriage. Wouldn't you want the soon-to-be-married couple to know each other as well as possible?

What does premarital sex tell you about the person? Do you learn anything about his character? About her patience? Does a night of passion answer these questions: "Will he love my kids? Will she tell the truth? Will we love God better together than apart?"

Hardly. Premarital sex reveals only one thing: this person likes to sleep around. And it tells your partner the same thing about you.

Courtship sex doesn't enhance a relationship; it stunts its growth. It shifts the attention from the study of the soul to fascination with the body. Necessary friendship creation is neglected. Essential communication tools go underdeveloped. Most of all, spiritual intimacy takes a backseat to physical intimacy. The purpose of courting is to know each other's souls, not bodies.

God calls for presexual marriage. "So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body" (Gen 2:24). The leaving is the announcement that a man and woman make to the community. Whether this announcement occurs in a cathedral ceremony or a backyard wedding, it serves the same purpose. It declares a covenant between two people. It removes two individuals from the dating market and enrolls them in the university of matrimony.

Leaving, uniting, then sex. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the fruit of love.... the baby carriage.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

91. It's my body, isn't it? As long as my sexual activity is consensual. What's the harm?

Casual sex - intimacy outside of marriage - pretends we can give the body and not affect the soul. We can't. We humans are so intricately psychosomatic that whatever touches the soma (body) impacts the psyche as well. The me-centered phrase "as long as no one gets hurt" sounds noble, but the truth is, we don't know who gets hurt.

Consider God's plan. A man and a woman make a public covenant with each other. They disable the ejection seats. They burn the bridge back to Mama's house. They fall into each other's arms beneath the canopy of God's blessing, encircled by the tall fence of fidelity. Both know the other will be there in the morning. Both know the other will stay even as skin wrinkles and vigor fades. Each gives the other exclusive for-your-eyes-only privileges. Gone is the guilt. Gone the undisciplined lust.

What remains is the celebration of permanence, a tender moment in which the body continues what the mind and the soul have already begun. A time in which "the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed" (Gen 2:25). Such sex honors God.

God-centered thinking rescues us from the sex we thought would make us happy. You may think your dalliances are harmless, and years may pass before the X-rays reveal the internal damage, but don't be fooled. Casual sex is a diet of chocolate - it tastes good for a while, but the imbalance can ruin you. Sex apart from God's plan wounds the soul.

Sex according to God's plan nourishes it.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

90. My friend has really gone off the deep end. She used to walk with God. Now she hangs with a bad crowd and does things I can't believe she does. But I don't know how to help her.

On the walkie-talkie of a firefighter is an RIT button. RIT stands for "Rapid Intervention Team". A firefighter presses this button only when he is hemmed in by danger and has no hope of escape. The moment he sends an RIT signal, his fellow firefighters stop what they are doing and come to his rescue. The fire becomes secondary. All resources are focused on one objective: get the man out of danger.

God has a Rapid Intervention Team as well. And you may be on it. Look at the rescue personnel. "You who are spiritual should restore him" (Gal 6:1).

Typically we assume that rescue is the role of the leaders. Most often it is. Most often the elders, teachers, and ministers are called into duty when someone goes down. But the apostle Paul does not limit Rapid Intervention Teams to leaders. You may be a quiet but godly church member who has noticed the absence of someone.

Whoever you are, if you are spiritual (walking with God), God will deputize you. When he calls you, the purpose of your mission is restoration. "You who are spiritual should restore him".

The goal is restoration, not castigation or humiliation. The rescuer approaches the intervention carefully, "lest [he] also be tempted" (v. 1), and he should graciously "restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness" (v. 1).

Let's see if we can envision the rescue. Let's say a woman in the church gets tangled up in a mess. Things between her and her husband were chilly, so when things between her and her coworker got warm, she fell. She fell into the arms of another man.

That was bad. What was worse is that she didn't feel bad. Chalk it up to midlife, stress at work, struggle at home, or whatever, but she didn't feel bad, and she didn't change. By the time anyone at church found out, she was out. A husband and a couple of kids were left bobbing in her wake.

Can you imagine a worse scenario? I can. What if she didn't belong to a church? What if she wasn't known or active? What if her friends at church didn't take their roles seriously?

But she did, she was, and they did. They knocked on her door. They sent her notes. They made calls. They wouldn't give up. Finally she agreed to see a counselor. The healing wasn't immediate, but it was eventual. And, in time, she went home. A sister was restored, a family saved. "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (v. 2).

God's plan is simple. When a believer falls, the church responds. Immediately. Honestly. Gently.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

89. Our church says baptism is necessary for salvation. Another church says just the opposite. How can I know for sure?

Would you feel comfortable marrying someone who wanted to keep the marriage a secret? Neither does God. It's one thing to say in the privacy of your own heart that you are a sinner in need of a Savior, but it's quite another to walk out of the shadows and stand before family, friends, and colleagues and state publicly that Christ is your forgiver and master. This act ups the ante.

Jesus commanded all his followers to prove it, to make the pledge, by public demonstration in baptism. Among his final words was the universal command to "go and make followers of all people in the world. Baptize them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit" (Matt 28:19).

Baptism is the initial and immediate step of obedience by the believer. As far as we know, every single convert in the New Testament church was baptized. With the exception of the thief on the cross, there is no example of an unbaptized believer.

The thief on the cross, however, is a crucial exception. His conversion drives dogmatists crazy. It is no accident that the first one to accept the invitation of the crucified Christ had no creed, confirmation, christening, or catechism. How disturbing to theologians to ascend the mountain of doctrine only to be greeted by a thief who cast his lot with Christ. Here is a man who never went to church, never gave an offering, never was baptized, and only said one prayer, but that prayer was enough (Luke 23:33-43).

The thief reminds us that, in the end, it is Jesus who saves. Does the thief's story negate the importance of baptism? No, it simply puts baptism in proper perspective. Any step taken is a response to a salvation offered, not an effort to earn salvation. In the end Jesus has the right to save any heart, for he, and only he, sees the heart.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

88. What is the purpose of worship? It doesn't seem that God would need us to sing to him.

The word worship conjures up many thoughts in many minds, not all of which are accurate or healthy. When you think of worship, what do you think of?

Outdated songs poorly sung? Dramatic prayers egotistically offered?

Irrelevant sermons carelessly delivered? Meager offerings grudgingly given?

Near-empty auditoriums and meaningless rituals?

What is worship?

The definition is in the book of Psalms:

"Honor the Lord, you heavenly beings;

honor the Lord for his glory and strength.

Honor the Lord for the glory of this name.

Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness." (29:1-2)

The essence of worship is simply this: giving God the honor he deserves. To worship is to applaud the greatness of God.

The ancestry of the English word for worship reflects this understanding. This term comes from the Anglo-Saxon word worthscipe, which was modified to worthshipand finally to worship. Worship means "to attribute worth" to someone or something.

In the context of Scripture, worship is both an attitude and an action. A view of the heart and an event in life.

"Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Col 3:17)

This is worship as a lifestyle. Every deed and duty done in such a way that God receives credit and applause. Worship begins as an attitude. But worship deepens as an action.

The action of worship was on the mind of the psalmist when he wrote, "Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs" (Ps 100:2).

And oh how we need it! We come to worship so bent out of shape. So sold on ourselves that we think someone died and made us king. Or so down on ourselves that we think everyone died and just left us.

We worship because we need it. But this is the secondary reason.

The main reason we worship has nothing to do with us; it has everything to do with God. He deserves to receive it!

By: Max Lucado