MAX ON LIFE

130. My husband and I want to be hospitable, but our house is small, and I'm a lousy cook, so I hesitate to invite people over. My husband says these things don't matter as much as being hospitable. Is he right?

Your husband is right. The event need not be elaborate to be significant. Don't listen to the Martha Stewart voice that says everything must be perfect. The house must be perfect. The china must be perfect. Meal. Kids. Husband. Scented guest towels, warm appetizers, after-dinner mints. Everything must be perfect.

If we wait until everything is perfect, we'll never issue an invitation.

It's no accident that hospitality and hospital come from the same Latin word, for they both lead to the same result: healing. When you open your door to someone, you are sending this message: "You matter to me and to God." You may think you are saying, "Come over for a visit." But what your guest hears is, "I'm worth the effort."

Do you know people who need this message? Singles who eat alone? Young couples who are far from home? Seniors who no longer drive? Some people pass an entire day with no meaningful contact with anyone else. Your hospitality can be their hospital. All you need are a few basic practices.

Issue a genuine invitation. Let your guests know you want them to come. Call them on the phone, or step over to their desks at work. People weather so many daily rejections. The doctor can't see them. The kids didn't call. The airplane is booked. But then you invite them over. We have room for you! Life altering.

Make a big deal of their arrival. Gather the entire family at the front door. Swing it open as you see them approach. If you have a driveway, meet them on it. If your apartment complex has a lobby, be waiting for them. This is a parade-worthy moment. One of God's children is coming to your house!

Address the needs of your guests. First-century hospitality included footwashing. Modern-day hospitality includes the sharing of food and drink. Time to talk and listen. No televisions blaring in the background. No invasive music.

Send them out with a blessing. Make it clear you are glad your guest came. Offer a prayer for their safety and a word of encouragement for their travel.

Remember this: what is common to you is a banquet to someone else. You think your house is small, but to the lonely heart, it is a castle. You think the living room is a mess, but to the person whose life is a mess, your house is a sanctuary. You think the meal is simple, but to those who eat alone every night, pork and beans on paper plates tastes like file mignon. What is small to you is huge to them.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

129. I have one child in middle school and another starting to drive. Am I wrong to worry about them?

No, you are a parent. And Jesus heeds the concern in a parent's heart. After all, our kids were his kids first. "Don't you see that children are God's best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?" (Ps 127:3). Before they were ours, they were his. Even as they are ours, they are still his.

We tend to forget this fact, regarding our children as our children as though we have the final say in their health and welfare. We don't. All people are God's people, including the small people who sit at our tables. Wise are the parents who regularly give their children back to God.

Jesus said so little about parenting, made no comments about spanking, breast feeding, sibling rivalry, or schooling. Yet his actions spoke volumes about prayer. Each time a parent prayed, Christ responded. His big message to moms and dads? Bring your children to me. Raise them in a greenhouse of prayer.

When you send them off for the day, do so with a blessing. When you tell them good night, cover them in prayer. Is your daughter stumped by geography homework? Pray with her about it. Is your son intimidated by the new girl? Pray with him about her. Pray that your children have a profound sense of place in this world and a heavenly place in the next.

God never dismisses a parent's prayer.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

128. Our family is exhausted. We run from one event to the next. How do we slow down?

Jesus understands. He knew the frenzy of life. People back-to-backed his calendar with demands. But he also knew how to step away from the game.

"Now when it was day, He departed and went into a deserted place." (Luke 4:42)

Jesus placed the mob in the rearview mirror and ducked into a wildlife preserve, a hidden cove, a vacant building, a deserted place. Later in the verse Luke identifies the reason: "the crowd.... tried to keep Him from leaving them." People brought Jesus more than sick bodies and seeking souls. They brought him agendas Itineraries. Unsolicited advice. The herd of humanity wanted to set Jesus' course. "Heed us", they said. "We'll direct your steps."

They say the same to you. Look over your shoulder, my friend. The crowd is one step back. Moreover, they seem to know more about your life than you do. Where you should work. Whom you should marry. What you should study. They will lead your life if you allow them.

Jesus didn't. Follow his example.

Deserted need not mean desolate, just quiet. Simply a place to which you, like Jesus, depart. "Now when it was day, He departed." Depart presupposes a decision on the part of Jesus. "I need to get away. To think. To ponder To rechart my course." He determined the time, selected a place. With resolve, he pressed the pause button on his life.

God rested after six days of work, and the world didn't collapse. What makes us think it will if we do" (Or do we fear it won't?)

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

127. I really dread going home for the holidays. My parents and brothers turn Christmas into chaos. They don't respect me or encourage me. In fact, they hardly talk to me.

We can't control the way our family responds to us. When it comes to the behavior of others toward us, our hands are tied. We have to move beyond the naive expectation that if we do good, people will treat us right. The fact is, they may, or they may not.

If your father is a jerk, you could be the world's best daughter, and he still wouldn't tell you so.

If your aunt doesn't like your career, you could change jobs a dozen times and still never satisfy her.

If your sister is always complaining about what you got and she didn't, you could give her everything, and she still might not change.

As long as you think you can control people's behavior toward you, you are held in bondage by their opinions. If you think you can control their opinion and their opinion isn't positive, than guess whom you have to blame. Yourself.

It's a game with unfair rules and fatal finishes.

I can't assure you that your family will ever give you the blessing you seek, but I know God will. Let God give you what your family doesn't. If your earthly father doesn't affirm you, then let your heavenly Father take his place.

How do you do that? By emotionally accepting God as your Father. You see, it's one thing to accept him as Lord, another to recognize him as Savior, but it's another matter entirely to accept him as Father.

God has proven himself as a faithful Father. Now it falls to us to be trusting children. Let God give you what your family doesn't. Let him fill the void others have left. Rely on him for your affirmation and encouragement. Look at Paul's words: "You are God's child, and God will give you the blessing he promised, because you are his child" (Gal 4:7, emphasis mine).

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

126. Our family issue is money. My husband and I can't agree on how much to spend, save, or give.

Denalyn and I had to sort this one out as well. We were raised in two different environments. My parents were very frugal and debt resistant. They never took out a loan or spent a penny they didn't record. Denalyn's parents were more spontaneous and credit dependent. Consequently, when we married, I wanted to save more, and Denalyn wanted to spend more.

We had to spend some time learning what the Bible says about money. According to Scripture, God gives you a paycheck for four reasons.

To honor your God: "Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce" (Prov 3:9). Your checkbook is an instrument of worship. Just as you honor God with your voice and your prayer, you honor God when you give money to his work.

To provide for your family: "But those who won't care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers" (1 Tim 5:8). These are some of the hardest words in the Bible. God never intended for children to go hungry or families to suffer in the cold. The well-being of the family trumps the need for bass boats or diamonds every times.

To support your country: "Pay your taxes and government fees to those who collect them, and give respect and honor to those who are in authority" (Rom 13:7). Roads must be paid for. Schools must be supported. Citizens of heaven are not exempt from doing their share on earth.

To enjoy it: "Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment" (1 Tim 6:17).

These four priorities helped Denalyn and me map out a simple strategy for money management. In our second year of marriage, after too many tense moments about money, we came up with this plan:

10 percent to the church

10 percent to savings

80 percent to bills and fun

We both felt the conviction to tithe. I felt the conviction to save, and Denalyn felt led to encourage free enterprise. So we compromised. After we have honored God and put some money in savings, the 80 percent that remains has always been sufficient for day-to-day needs. This plan has worked so well for us that we've been able to increase giving well beyond the 10 percent level.

Find a plan that works for you.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

125. I was raised in a Christian home, but now that I'm thirty-four and unmarried, I struggle with loneliness and insecurity. I'm afraid of being alone but even more afraid of the temptation to embrace sin just to keep from being alone. Where can I find a candle of hope in the darkness of loneliness?

It's natural that you long for companionship. It's in our DNA. God used part of a man to make a woman. A couple fits together like a human puzzle, strengths complementing weaknesses, passions unifying hearts, love at the core. These two undefined pieces make a complete picture when they meet. Consequently, a single person might feel incomplete. Life becomes an unfinished puzzle for them, searching for the other piece.

Many singles think marriage makes life perfect. Hmm, just ask a married person about that. Marriage complicates many things. Being single, at times, is easier. You have only one person to worry about. Add a spouse and a couple of kids, and your needs become secondary.

Paul know this and liked being single.

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs - how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world - how he can please his wife - and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world - how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Cor 7:32-35)

Marriage redefines our service. Participating in Bible studies and working at the homeless shelter are replaced with family dinners and our spouses' office parties. For many of us, this is great.

Paul, however, felt that marriage would divide his attention.

As a single man, Paul traveled all over Asia and Europe, spreading the gospel. He started churches and debated some of he smartest scholars of all time. What about Peter? What did Peter do? Peter was married. Jesus healed his mother-in-law, which means Peter had a wife (Matt 8:14-15). At the beginning of Acts, we hear a lot about Peter and his work in and around Israel. Yet we don't hear of Peter's adventures around the world. Why? He probably had to stay home, near his wife and family. He took three years off to travel with Christ, but after that, his ministry area became more confined because his attention was divided.

Was Peter ineffective? No. Was he limited in his effectiveness? Yes. Marriage limited him.

Paul goes on to say, "Look, if you can't restrain yourself, get married" (see 1 Cor 7:9). But don't miss the heart of the teaching: unmarrieds may be without a spouse, but they are not without a groom. Singles can be a vital part of the bride of Christ, the church, as it prepares itself for that final, great wedding day.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

124. We taught our kids the Bible, but they have left God. What happened? We thought if we trained them in God's Word, they would not depart from Him. Isn't that what the Bible says?

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Prov 22:6)

Be careful with this verse. Don't interpret it to mean "If I put my kids on the right path, they'll never leave it. If I fill them full of Scripture and Bible lessons and sermons, they may rebel, but they'll eventually return."

The proverb makes no such promise. Salvation is a work of God. Godly parents can prepare the soil and sow the seed, but God gives the growth. (1 Cor 3:6). Moms and dads soften hearts but can't control them.

Show them the path? Yes.

Force them to take it? No.

At moments in my own life I stood at the crossroads of the path and even took a few steps down the wrong one. One thing always brought me back - that inner compass shown to me by my Christ-loving parents.

No child ever leaves God's sight. A child may turn his back on God or try to hide from his sight. But leave God's view? Impossible. God has his eye on every child of his.

The Holy Spirit will follow your child down every back road, every dark alley, every dead end and always remind him of the foundation of belief you showed him - the road back home.

My wife shares this verse with the parents of prodigals. It is a good one for you: "The Lord says, 'This is my agreement with these people: My Spirit and my words that I give you will never leave you or your children or your grandchildren, now and forever'" (Isa 59:21).

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

123. We're trying to teach our children humility, but at the same time we don't want to destroy their self-esteem. What would you say is a good balance?

There are two verses, both found in Philippians that you should teach your kids because they balance the spectrum of humility and self-esteem.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves". (2:3)

"I can do everything through him (God) who gives me strength". (4:13)

Philippians 2:3 says to treat others better than myself.

Philippians 4:13 says God treats me well.

The first says others are more worthy than I am.

The second says I am worthy because God uses me.

The first says I am lower than others.

The second says I am greater because of God's strength.

Self-esteem is what people see when they look in the mirror - what they understand as their value. A constant diet of "you're not important; others are" certainly seems to devalue a person. But it doesn't have to, as long as you remember the second verse. You are strong.

One characteristic we don't find in Jesus is a lack of confidence. He took on the Pharisees, braved angry crowds, stood his ground when others twisted his words, went to the cross confident of his mission, and all the while "did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Mark 10:45).

Teach your child to be a confident servant who knows his purpose in serving others and loves his boss because his boss loved him first and gives him all the strength he needs to face the world.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

122. The world today - people and certainly the media - encourages our children to be self-indulgent. I don't think all this self-preoccupation will help them grow into mature adults. Am I off base here?

Taught at an early age, self-indulgence becomes a way of life. Every beat of a child's heart becomes "me-me, me-me, me-me, me-me".

Television does not present the best methods:

• Kids who get every gadget and goody they want
• Kids who, in thirty minutes, solve all their problems
• Kids who get laughs with their sassy comeback to stupid adults

Television dangles the fruit in front of our kids and says, "Doesn't this way of life look good? Indulge yourself".

But self-indulgence is a problem facing not only our children but humankind. In fact, self-indulgence got us into this mess. "Go ahead, Eve. Eat that fruit. It looks so good. Indulge yourself."

Television only promotes what the world already thinks. So how do yo teach your children well? Give them new models.

Other kids - Make sure they hang out with other kids who don't "have it all" or whose parents don't rush out and buy the latest thing.

Parents - Are they learning self-indulgence from you? Do your schedule and your own priorities take precedence over them? Do you have more toys than they do?

Jesus - Feed them a consistent message of Jesus Christ, focusing on his humility and his self-sacrifice. "Jesus .... was given a position a little lower than the angels" (Heb 2:9). Jesus chose servanthood, and he is the King! Can't we do the same?

Kids need to get turned on to new models of self-sacrifice to realize that life is not one big TV show and the plots don't always center on them.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

121. My job requires lots of overtime, so I can't attend many of my kids' school activities. My wife worries about this a lot. Could this have a negative effect on our kids? Or on my relationship with them?

As a father of three girls, I struggled with the same issues. As God blessed my ministry, more and more calls came in from all over the world, wanting me to speak at churches, conferences, and grand openings of supermarkets. It was hard to say no at first. I felt every opportunity was from God.

Finally I realized that every time I said yes to something, I had to say no to something else. It's called Max's Yes Law of Inverse Dynamics. Look it up! It says this: with every yes in your schedule, there is an equal and opposite no reaction

When I said yes to another speaking engagement, I said no to another family dinner.

When I said yes to another meeting, I said no to my girls' volleyball game.

When I said yes to another book tour, I said no to taking a walk with my wife.

So how do we show people that we love and believe in them? There are many ways to express those feelings - verbal affirmation, love letters, phone calls, even a quick text message saying, "I'm thinking of you". They're all good, but there's one that's the best.

I talked about it in my book A Love Worth Giving:

Do you believe in your kids? Then show up. Show up at their games. Show up at their plays. Show up at their recitals. It may not be possible to make each one, but it's sure worth the effort.... You want to bring out the best in someone? Then show up.

Now that my girls are all grown up, believe me, I'm glad I made that decision to show up before it was too late. Now (cue "Cat's in the Cradle" in the background) I miss those Meet the Teacher Nights and seeing their papier-mache volcano at the science fair and sitting in the stands at the big volleyball meet, even if they were on the bench the whole time.

When it comes to kids and family, it is a lot easier to make money than to make up lost time.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

120. How do I get out of a bad mood? Sometimes I want to snap at anything that moves - and I do!

Some folks don't know we have an option. To listen to our vocabulary, you'd think we are the victims of our thoughts. "Don't talk to me", we say. "I'm in a bad mood". As if a mood were a place to which we are assigned ("I can't call you; I'm in Bosnia") rather than an emotion we permit.

Or we say, "Don't mess with her. She has a bad disposition". Is a disposition something we "have"? Like a cold or the flu? Are we the victims of the emotional bacteria of the season? Or do we have a choice?

Paul says we do: "We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ" (2 Cor 10:5).

Do you hear some battlefield jargon in that passage - "capture every thought", "make it give up and obey Christ"? You get the impression that we are the soldiers and the thoughts are our enemies. Our assignment is to protect the homeland and refuse entrance to trashy thoughts. The minute they appear on the horizon, we go into action. "This heart belongs to God", we declare, "and you aren't getting in here until you change your allegiance".

"Selfishness, step back! Envy, get lost! Find another home, Anger! You aren't allowed on this turf". Capturing thoughts is serious business.

We are not a victim of our thoughts. We have a vote. We have a voice. We can exercise thought prevention.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

119. More than anything in the world I want to be a good mom to my kids. How can I be the mom God wants me to be?

The virgin birth is more, much more, than a Christmas story. It is a picture of how close Christ will come to you, a mom, as you also bring a child into the world.

Imagine yourself in that story found in Luke 1.

God comes to you and says, "I have a special task for you A child. A special child that I want to entrust to you. Are you willing to raise this one?"

You stammer, take a breath. "This sounds scary".

"Don't worry. I'll be there with you. This child is special to me. He will be a great child."

You shake your head. "Such an awesome responsibility. I don't know if I can do it."

"Nothing is impossible with me."

You smile. "I am your servant. I'll do it".

Do we think only one child received God's special attention? Sure, only one was his Son, and an angel sent out those special birth announcements. accompanied by an angelic choir singing "Happy Birthday". Of course God pulled out all the stops for Jesus' birth.

But children aren't randomly born to parents. God orchestrates the right children to be born to the right parents.

Being the mom God wants you to be starts with the understanding of how important your job is in God's eyes. He entrusts you with one of his own children. He chose you out of all the moms in the world for this one child.

Remember, you, too, are hight favored by God himself to receive such a special gift.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

117. Now that my two sons are adults, they have strayed far from God. I pray daily for their return. As I wait, I can't help but worry that their hearts are becoming harder and that they will not return to God.

No child of God is too far from home.

The prodigal son assumed he was. He had spurned his father's kindness and "journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living" (Luke 15:13). The word translated here as wasted is the same Greek verb used to describe the action of a seed-sowing farmer. Envision him throwing handfuls of seeds onto tilled earth. Envision the prodigal tossing his father's money to greedy merchants: a roll of bills at one club, a handful of coins at another. He rides the magic carpet of cash from one party to the next. His heart grows hard.

And then one day his wallet grows thin. The credit card comes back. The maitre d' says, "No"; the hotel says, "Go"; and the boy says, "Uh-oh". He slides from high hog at the trough to low pig in the mud. He finds employment feeding swine. Not a recommended career path for a Jewish boy. His heart breaks.

The hunger so gnaws at his gut that he considers eating with the pigs. But rather than swallow the pods, he swallows his pride and begins that famous walk homeward, rehearsing a repentance speech with each step. Turns out he didn't need it. "His father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him" (v 20). The father was saving the son's place. His heart softened.

There's a place for your sons too. They are always invited to return to the place of honor. It just takes some time and some prayer to get their hearts right.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

115. Every day I worry about my children. Although they are safe and happy today, I still worry about them. I worry if they will remain true to God. I worry if they will marry good people. I worry if they might get sick and suffer pain. How do I control these worries?

What would parents do without worry? It almost seems as if it's in the job description: "Parents Wanted. Must be able to perform sleepless nights and meaningless pacing, wringing their hands and biting their nails."

The only things worry promises are stubby fingers and sore feet.

"Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?" (Matt 6:27)

Worry has no positive side effects. In fact, it subtracts moments from your life in the form of heart stress and rising blood pressure.

Worry is antitrust. If you are worried, you don't trust something.

- Your kids - The weather

- Their mode of transportation - The church

- Their friends - Their future spouse

- Strangers - God

God takes care of millions of birds, billions of flowers. Can he take care of your children? Certainly.

How do you stop worrying? Jesus made it clear.

"Therefore I tell you, stop being perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about life." (Matt 6:25)

Pretty blunt answer. Stop it! Just say no to worry. Slap at it like a bloodsucking mosquito. Easier said than done, huh?

Worry tests your trust, so hand your children to God and let Him babysit your babies when you're not around. He's pretty good at it.

"Casting the whole of your care (all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all) on Him." (1 Peter 5:7)

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

114. My wife and I serve on a foreign mission field. W moved our family here in response to God's guidance. But now we are facing problems with our kids and we are wondering whether we made a mistake in coming here.

I wonder how Noah felt, cramming his family onto a luxury animal cruise (Gen 6:13-7:5).

Did Abraham ever regret moving from Ur to Canaan (Gen 12:1-4)?

Or did Joseph question his forced relocation into slavery (Gen 37:12-28)?

I wonder if Moses ever thought that moving his family and his people to the promised land was a mistake (Genesis - Deuteronomy).

I'm sure at times all of them suffered a twinge of doubt, but overall, in the end, it made sense. Why? Because God called all of them to these places.

Hebrews 11 summarizes the stories of people who were asked to do things by God, but none of the tasks made sense at the time. They acted in faith. The kind of faith that does but never sees.

If God called you to a foreign mission field, he already knows all the parameters, all the possibilities, all the problems that could occur. He's considered what will happen to you and your spouse, how it will affect your kids, and what it will mean to the people you serve.

He took care of Noah, Abraham, Joseph, Moses, and their families as they moved out into foreign mission fields.

Why not you?

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

113. I grew up in a home with no discipline. My parents let me do anything I wanted to do, and I did. In raising my kids, I don't want to follow their example. I don't want to over-discipline either. What is the balance?

Gardeners know how to straighten a tree. Some saplings are strong and healthy but are headed in the wrong direction. They suffer from a lean. Wanting the tree to grow straight, what does the gardener do? He ties a rope to the trunk, straightens the tree, and stakes the rope into the ground. Henceforth, as the tree grows, it is pulled in the right direction.

Children need the same correctional tug. The Bible calls this discipline.

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." (Prov 22:15)

"A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them." (Prov 13:24)

Scripture never endorses physical abuse or irresponsible chastening. The Bible does teach that punishment is a deterrent for defiant disobedience. In fact, under the Law of Moses, rebelling against parents was a capital offense (Deut 21:28-21). There's no mention in history of its ever being used, but for sure it was threatened!

Discipline is not easy, but these principles helped Denalyn and me.

Be careful. Be quick to interrupt misbehavior but slow to punish it. Place a child in time-out while you both cool down. Punishment is never a license for cruelty. If you are enjoying the administration of the discipline, you need to stop.

Be consistent. The punishment must fit the act. Seek to discern the cause of the action. What motivated this behavior? It's one thing to slam a door out of disrespect. It's another to slam it because the ice cream truck is on the street.. Forgetting to clean the room is one matter; stomping a foot and refusing to clean it is another. Oversights are misdemeanors. Rebellion is a felony.

Be clear. Explain what the punishment is and what the offense was. Do not assume the child understands. Do not punish a child for "being bad". The child may have done a bad thing, but that doesn't mean he is a bad child.

Be compassionate. One mistake does not a child make. One season of waywardness does not a child define. "Love does not keep a record of wrongs" (1 Cor 13:5). But love does keep a list of things done well.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

112. What should I tell my kids about sex?

When we became parents, we took on the roles of chauffeur, chaperone, EMT, coach, provider, recreational director, and sex education instructor. Most of us feel woefully inadequate on this last assignment. However, some ideas may help.

Model healthy sexuality in your home. Express appropriate affection. When kids see parents holding hands or kissing good-bye before going to work, this sends a healthy message: physical affection is not to be feared.

On the other hand, if children discover inappropriate sexuality in the lives of their parents, the poor example leaves an indelible impression. If children find their dad's porn on the computer or in the garage, discover romantic text messages on mom's phone but not sent by dad, or awaken to see their single parent's date from the night before cooking breakfast, they take note. Hypocrisy speaks loudly. Don't underestimate the damage of a bad example, and don't underestimate the power of a good one.

Be "askable". When we hear our kids ask about condoms, periods, or intercourse, we are tempted to cover our ears or wash out their mouths. There is no need to overreact. Just do your best. Give clear, age-appropriate answers. Small children need only basic information. Teenagers need more details. At some point all children need to understand that sexual activity and desires are God's good idea. Urgings and interests are not dirty or dangerous. Sex is God's gift, yet it is a wedding gift.

Again, children deserve to hear this message from their parents. I like the idea of parents presenting their child, sometime in early adolescence, with a purity ring or necklace that the teenager can wear as a symbol. Others cosign covenants of sexual purity in which parents and kids promise to honor God's standard.

Connect with a community of faith. You stack the odds in your children's favor by plugging them into a Christian youth group. This only makes sense. When teenagers' best friends are Christians, when their favorite hangout is a youth group, when you help them have healthy peers and hear Christ-honoring truth, you're giving your children a head start.

Make your home a place of grace. Young people mess up. They go too far too fast, and when they do, moms and dads, let's give them a safe place to land. Let's give our children what God gives us: clear teaching, appropriate correction, and abundant forgiveness.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

111. I've fallen in love with a divorced man who has two children. I've never been married, so I wonder whether God looks with any disfavor on marriages to divorced people. Can you help me with these concerns?

Jesus was asked about divorce and remarriage.

"The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?' And He answered and said to them, 'Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female', and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?' So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.'

They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?'

He said to them, 'Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery'." (Matt 19:3-9)

Our society plays musical chairs with marriages, exchanging lovers like partners at a square dance. God says stay put and stay faithful.

The home is sacred and should be guarded like a fortress. Only one thing, in Jesus' eyes, warrants divorce - an ongoing choice by one partner to be sexually active with a person outside the marriage.

Divorce should never be taken lightly. If reconciliation is absolutely you'll-be-talking-to-my-lawyers impossible, then what else can you do? If every means or repairing the relationship has been tried, tested, and tossed out, what's Plan B?

So does God forgive those who get divorced? How about an adulterer? Can the unfaithful ever again have a happy marriage?

God forgave King David. For David, adultery became a lifestyle, with all those wives and concubine girlfriends. He satisfied his own desires yet broke God's desire for marriage. David even committed murder to get Bathsheba. So does God forgive murderers and adulterers? Thieves on a cross? Persecutors on the road to Damascus? All the time.

God forgives, but he prefers to prevent. Forgiven people can move on with their lives, but they must deal with the consequences of their choice and all the hurt that accompanies it.

Since divorce is inevitable in this world, God can certainly bless two forgiving and forgiven hearts who desire to start over and make it right the second time.

By: Max Lucado

MAX ON LIFE

110. My husband has admitted to having an affair. We've struggled for years to keep our loveless marriage alive. All my friends tell me I should divorce him while I'm young enough to marry again. Should I listen to them? Divorce seems like such a drastic step, and I know it would hurt our kids.

When two become one, as the Bible describes marriage, they join together with an invisible bonding agent so adhesive that, when broken, it splinters. Marriage is not held together with spit and polish so that it slides apart easily when the two people go their separate ways. Divorce shatters that bond and the lives of the people involved.

Hearts break. Plans disintegrate. Pieces of trust lie all over the place. And it's not just the spouses who must put their lives back together but the children, the aunts and uncles, the grandparents, the friends. Divorce is a nuclear bomb that wipes out everything in its path.

So should you seek a divorce? No. It's never the first option.

Go back to those vows, the moment that first brought you together. Remember the motivation that caused you to say those words. You promised to stay together no matter what, even if you don't feel in love.

Love is not a feeling. Love is a commitment. Thankfully, God does not love me based on whether he feels I meet all his standards. He loves me because he promised to love me in sickness and in health, for better and worse, for as long as we both shall live (which is eternally).

And God always keeps his word. May he help us keep ours.

By: Max Lucado